Building Your Child's Self-Esteem

By Janna Leeper, MSSA, LISW-S

Ways to Boost Self-Esteem in Your Children  By Janna Leeper, MSSA, LISW-S, of Chrysalis Counseling Center, Inc.

* Show unconditional love and affection to your children.

* Love and affection in all interactions with your children from infancy and up will help them know and feel that they are worthy and important individuals.

* Give concrete and realistic compliments to your children.

* Praise your child’s effort versus outcome. For example “I am so proud that you studied so hard and earned an A.” Be specific with the compliments that you give to your child. “You were so kind when you helped your brother pick up toys in  his room.”

* Give your child realistic and attainable goals to work towards.

* Set your children up to be successful on smaller goals, so they feel confident to work towards larger goals. Make sure goals are developmentally appropriate for the age of the child.

* Validate your child’s feelings and encourage feeling expression.

* Individuals are more likely to express their feelings and discuss things when they feel they are understood and heard. If a child has been called a name – first identify the feeling of sadness before pointing out the positives to counter the name calling.

* Be proud of your child and talk positively about your child to others. This allows your child to know that he/she is important in your life, increasing feelings of self-confidence.

* Do not compare your child to others.

* Each child is special and unique and will react to situations differently.

* Nurture your own self-esteem. Role-modeling healthy ways to view yourself will be picked up by your children. “More is caught then taught.”

* Spend quality time with your children daily, engaging in activities that they initiate.

* Positive time together increases a child’s feelings of being important to his/her parent.

* Encourage activities your child does well in to boost confidence to carry over to other activities. When children feel success in one area, they will often carry that over to other activities and be able to work hard at succeeding in new areas.

* Monitor all influences on your children. Being active in all areas of your children's lives will help you monitor messages they are receiving from outside sources.

* Give your children responsibilities. Responsibilities at home allow your children to feel that they are a part of the family. It allows them to feel valuable, and it teaches them important skills.

Janna Leeper is an outpatient clinician at Chrysalis Counseling Center, Inc, with over 10 years' experience working with children and families.